Patton Lee Beaugus | December 1, 2010 12:45pm
The Most Wonderful Time

“We’re making a Christmas album,” said Molly in such a bright happy cheery voice I knew she must be lying, but I couldn’t figure out about what.

"For grownups." added Vinnie, "if we ever get it done."

“Vinnie sings the title song, 'Most Wonderful Time For A Beer'.”

“For a beer?” I thought I'd heard wrong when Molly said it before. But it seemed I hadn't.

It went something like this — to the tune of “Most Wonderful Time Of The Year.”

[mouseover Vinnie]

Most Wonderful Time For A Beer This text will be replaced by the flash music player. It's the most wonderful time for a beer With all the stores selling, And ads that are telling you "Buy that crap here!" It's the most wonderful time for a beer. It's the hap-happiest season to drink. All those holiday greetings At crowded bar meetings, With people who stink. It's the hap - happiest season to drink. There'll be parties to go to, With chicks who won’t know you. And upchucking out in the snow. There'll be slush in your new shoes And memories of bad news From holidays long, long ago. It's the most wonderful time for a beer. There'll be no mistletoeing, With babes who are glowing When girlfriends are near. It's the most wonderful time for a beer!

I think it might have been the most depressing Christmas carol I'd ever heard.

“Awesome” said Molly, giving him a big hug that made me wish I could sing. "I think it could crossover, too."

“When are we going to put them out on the iTunes?” Vinnie asked.

“After the job’s done.” said HiTone, “I think Louie wants to wait on everything until the next holiday season and go full out transdimensionally”

“Next year! I don't want to wait for next year,” chirped Molly.

“You never do,” said HiTone. "You're the only person I've ever heard of with a damn time fetish.

"I could upload the songs from here. Right now."

I suddenly smelled a cigar as a wide-bodied guy was now standing by the table. He looked directly at Molly as he blew a cloud of smoke across the table directly into the pretty girl’s face.

“That would be an extremely short-sighted decision, Molly.”

Molly’s confidence seemed to disappear in the smoke.

“Extremely short-sighted.”

I wanted to tell him that there’s no smoking in here, but he didn’t look like a guy who could take constructive criticism.

Next: Between Two Rocks And A Soft Place