Patton Lee Beaugus | December 10, 2010 12:45pm
Stringing Me Off?

Louie looked at his PartyMob and said, “I couldn't get a hold of Clydie to tell her where we were.”

Their reaction was about the same as my family's the time at Aunt Betty's anniversary when they caught me farting in the punchbowl.

"We're screwed." said Vinnie, always the first to break a half full glass.

"All this for nothing." snapped D'Oliya, staring daggers at Molly.

Molly didn't share their misery or anger, "We've still got time."

"How much time?" asked D'Oliya.

"Not much," admitted Molly.

“But she’s bringing the axes!” said HiTone.

What are they gonna do? Chop down the fences to start  a bonfire?

Louie, talking thru his cigar, said what sounded like, "The deer girl wouldn't let us down."

"Besides, it's her dream to do this." said Vinnie. "To dream the impossible..."

Everyone was giving the little guy dirty looks and he stopped mid lyric.

Louie helped me out. “Clydie Deerest. She’s bringing our instruments and stuff."

Molly gulped down her brandy and coke and turned to me. “I bet you’re wondering how we can pull it off.”

Pull what off, I wondered, also wondering how tipsy she was on brandy and Coke.

“We can do it because of String Theory and the alternate realities that really exist in 16-space. We just needed to transition into the correct potential reality.”

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Background Music She Blinded Me With Science

Louie adds, “Like we already did to get here to this universe to pick up you.”

"No, the last universe, the one in the bar before we got 86'd back here." said Molly.

Huh?

Vinnie bragged, “It was all Molly’s idea. Did you know she’s a physicist?”

She shrugged. I keep looking at her.

“For her BS, she was a triple major in Information Science, Theoretical Physics, and Tae Kwon Do.” said Vinnie.

Louie added, “She graduated at MIT at 17.  Made her bones at 18. Now she’s finishing up her Doctorate in physics at Columbia.”

OMG, she couldn't be older than 21, if that!

“She once did Stephen Hawking.” said D’Oliya making it sound really dirty, which I found endearing on a level I didn't want to explore further.

“I interned for Professor Hawking in London, for a semester,” Molly snapped back. “I didn’t do him. Well, not exactly.”

“I would have.” said D’Oliya. "A BDSM seminar. Trapped in that chair, I wouldn’t even have to tie him up... unless he begged me to in his cute little electronic voice."

Jeez, if D'Oliya would do Stephen Hawking, then maybe..."

Vinnie interrupted my line of thought before it could reach the depths it was destined for. “Molly figured out a way to control alternate realities — which is what we’re in now. Alternate for us, anywho.” He seemed to enjoy bragging Molly up like he was  his personal discovery, which I'd find out later, she kinda was.

“Well, I admit I sorta borrowed the idea from Doctor Hawking.”

"She stole it," said Louie as if it were something to be proud of.

"Actually, I didn't really do it directly, crib the idea I mean. It was after I worked for Dr. Hawking and came back to my New York City. I was like channel checking the news, and I landed on Glenn Beck, and after about 48 seconds, I thought 'What wormhole did this mad man come through?' And suddenly it all made sense."

"Glenn Beck made sense?"

"No-o-o-o!" they all said in unison.

"The String Theory Travel Plan." explained Molly as if that explained anything.

“Rudy’s Bar here is a nexus of improbability. Did I say that right?” asked Vin.

Molly nodded at her be-tuxed little champion. "Especially back here on Christmas Eve."

Nexus of improbability. Like Rudy's Bar edges on the unreal. That’s the first thing they’d said that almost made sense to me, even though it didn’t really make any sense at all. But I was used to that... after 11pm.

“We need to be here, or somewhere like Rudy’s that's a node the right dimension that's connected to Rudolf and Santa, so we can take our actions past the edge of improbability in order to phase into other dimensions. And we're at the exact coordinates."

"If Clydie ever finds her way here." mumbled Vinnie, a guy who'd make the Grinch look like a positive thinker.

"To make the improbability thing work, we have to do things," said D'Oliya looking into my eyes, "improbable things. Going boldly where angels fear to tread."

They’d lost me. Again. My expression must have signaled it.

“It is like a maze, a ball of strings all tangled up, and we can go from string to string or we can get tangled up, too. Right Molly?”

“Right Vinnie. But I think I’ve figured out which strings to pull. At least theoretically.”

"More than theory, Molly, because here we are," said Louie. "And with a few more transitions we can pull off the biggest hit in the history of history in any of 16 dimensions."

"It'll be legendary," piped up Vinnie, "if 0ur heads don't explode."

"Yeah, legendary — if Clydie shows up, and if we don't miss our window, and if we don't end up stuck in this bland reality for all time and space."

Next: Wassailing LLC