G-Whizz
I was thinking, as much as I could think after drinking numerous beers and brandies... I was thinking that I’d better get away from these crazies. I mean really get away. Like escape “Excuse me, I gotta use the facilities.”“You need to take your computer to take a whizz?” wondered HiTone, whom I don’t think trusted me. He was smarter than I'd thought.
“I take it everywhere, so I don’t lose it. Bad neighborhood. No offense. Nothing personal.”
Molly gave me a look that warmed me to the cockles of my whatever cockles are attached to. “I’d like to use your computer again, if I could. You could plug it in over here on the table near where I've set up my Christmas light show.” So that's what all her equipment was for.
I was pretty sure "plugging it in" was not eupamism forI had in mind, but I did it, smiling at Molly as I did so.
Louie stood between me and the door back into the bar. “You don’t want to use that men’s room in there. It’s disgusting.”
I can’t argue with that and I don’t want to tell them that like all the regulars, I use the ladies room which isn’t half as gross. Okay, maybe half as gross. “Well, I gotta go. And I didn't notice you setting up a portapottie.”
I can’t imagine how this could inspire a Christmas song, but it seemed to.
They broke into another parody, this time to tune of “Go Tell It On The Mountain” with a sound like a Salvation Army Band, and HiTone taking the lead.
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Don’t whizz into the fountain Go by the dumpster in the alley Don’t whizz into the fountain When you just gotta go. Sometimes when you party Your bladder says its getting late And there’s line of goers And it’s too long to wait. Don’t whizz into the fountain Go by the dumpster in the alley Don’t whizz into the fountain When you just gotta go. Everybody there was watchin’ Outta the window, whatta sight! They saw what you were doin' Under the old street light Don’t whizz into the fountain Go by the dumpster in the alley Don’t whizz into the fountain When you just gotta go. The waitress laughed and giggled When you took that big look round Like no one else could see you And no one could hear the sound. Don’t whizz into the fountain Go by the dumpster in the alley Don’t whizz into the fountain When you just gotta go. |
 I couldn’t believe my eyes, but D’Oliya and Vinnie were doing a Fred & Ginger in the middle of their prefabricated "Christmas set." IMHO , ballroom dancing was about as inappropriate as you can get considering the lyrics. D’Oliya seemed to be doing all the lifting and Vinnie was swirling thru the air like a ballet dancing midget. “Well, I still gotta go,” I said again. And suddenly, I really did. |
It seemed I was The Guy... whatever that meant. I wasn't sure I wanted to find out.
