Secret Weapon!
We return to our Musical Christmas Blog and find ourselves in the backyard patio at Rudy’s Bar in Hell’s Kitchen on a chilly Christmas Eve. Next Christmas Eve.The Buddabings gang leader, Louie, had poured generous dollops brandy for me and the members of his party mob. We were all swilling it down like it was beer — to keep warm, of course. Even if it was already warm inside the sci-fi Christmas set. I guess I mean warm inside. I guess I really mean, it was a good excuse, as if I needed one.
"We're back on schedule," Molly told me looking at her "not an iPod."
“We have ourselves a plan.” said Louie proudly.
“A good plan.” said D’Oliya rubbing up against the bossman.
“We call ‘Red Suit Down,” continued Louie.
I named it,” bragged Velvet Vinnie.
“I wanted to call it the Santa In Bondage,” piped up D’Oliya, who looked like she might just like to tie somebody up, maybe even me!
“I thought it should be ‘Operation 86 The Fat Man’” said HiTone.
“You would,” said Molly who seems to be feeling her brandy. “It should’ve been called ‘Gun-Molly’s Greatest Hit.’”
| “Only I’m the designated hitter,” said D’Oliya. “Don’t forget, I’m the one who got us into this reality,” replied Molly. “Stick it up your text-books, college girl. It’ll be safer.” Naturally, given my nature, anyway, I was hoping for a girl-fight with hair pulling and ripping off clothes, and a few lame karate moves with more ripping off clothes. No such luck. And not that there were that many clothes to rip off their Santa Helpers outfits. “We’re gonna the take the Fat Boy down tonight.” said Louie. Vinnie slurred. “The last Santa Claus Christmas.” “We have a secret weapon.” Everybody turned to look at the Clydesdale in drag. “Clydie Dearest.” I looked over at the huge horse wearing the stupid antlers. She preened. “We even wrote a song about it.” "A song?" I said with what was almost a straight face, "What a surprise!" They sang it to tune of ‘Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer’.  |
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[reference track for read-along]
Rudolf got run over by a Clydesdeer Pulling Santa’s sleigh on Christmas Eve You can say there’s no such thing as a Clydesdeer. But as for me and Santa, we believe. The falling snow was getting very heavy As Rudy led the reindeer team that night Rudy’s mind, so focused on the sleigh pull, That he forgot to turn his nose on brights. The Clydesdeer, she appeared out of nowhere. Pulling a sleigh of liquid cheer. And as every body should know Right of way goes to the one with beer. Rudolf got run over by a Clydesdeer Pulling Santa’s sleigh on Christmas Eve You can say there’s no such thing as a Clydesdeer. But as for me and Santa, we believe. Now, we're all so proud of Santa, He's been taking this so well, See him in there watching football, Drinking Bud & playing stud with all the elves. What’s next Christmas without Rudolf? Who, oh, who can lead the way? And we just can't help but wonder, Why there’s now Bud logos on the sleigh. Rudolf got run over by a Clydesdeer Pulling Santa’s sleigh on Christmas Eve You can say there’s no such thing as Clydesdeer. But as for me and Santa, we believe. Now the stable’s full of Clydesdeer. Elves are all blasted on Bud Light. Louie now makes all deliveries Of cases, kegs and bottles every night. Somehow, it doesn’t seem the same now, Every day’s a holiday. But I guess it ain’t so bad now to have a Beery Christmas every day. Rudolf got run over by a Clydesdeer Pulling Santa’s sleigh on Christmas Eve You can say there’s no such thing as Clydesdeer. But as for me and Louie, we believe. |
Next: Santa Claus Ain't Coming
