Patton Lee Beaugus | December 20, 2010 12:45pm
Escape!

They were all buzzed like brandy bees.

They climbed up the stairs to the raised part of the patio that looked like a stage.

Molly announced that this was their big Christmas song.

"It's like totally original, except for the parts we ripped off. And it is probably the last improbable before we do the deed."

They broke into their new almost original song.

Chuggalugga Christmas This text will be replaced by the flash music player. It’s Christmas, Chugga-lugga Christmas It’s party time again, so… Off we go, thru the snow, so So we all can fill our mugs, and Chugga-lugga-lug Chugga-lugga-lug, Chugga-lugga-lug glug glug glug glug Drink until the world gets hazy, Chugga-lugga-lug, glug glug glug ‘Tis the season to get crazy, Chugga-lugga-lug, glug glug glug. Down we toss a shot of whiskey Chuggalug Chuggalug glug glug glug Shouldn’t mix, it’s very risky. Chugga-lugga-lug, glug glug glug We made our move on the holiday groove Yeah, Buddabings now own Christmas! Say u want a tree? U gotta go thru me. U wanna hit the mall? Yeah, we stole it all. So we make it clear, if you like reindeer, You gotta buy them horny flydeer here. Christmas anything, stocking, card or bling Budda, budda, budda, budda budda bing bing It’s Christmas, Chugga-lugga Christmas It’s party time again, so off we go, thru the snow, so we all can fill our mugs,

and Chugga-lugga-lug. Chugga-lugga-lug Chugga-lugga-lug glug glug glug glug Wishing you. Wishing you Wishing you. Wishing you Wishing you a happy new year Wishing you. Wishing you Wishing you. Wishing you Wishing you a beery new Year We wish you a beery Christmas We wish you a beery Christmas We wish you a beery Christmas ah-ah-happy new year. It’s Christmas, Chugga-lugga Christmas It’s party time again, so off we go, we all can fill our mugs, and Chugga-lugga-lug Chugga-lugga-lug Chugga-lugga-lug glug glug glug glug It’s Christmas, Chugga-lugga Christmas It’s party time again, so off we go, to get a mug, so we all can fill our mugs, and we can have a beery beery Christmas

It was my chance. Maybe my only one. They were so into each other's harmonies, they didn't give me glance.

I used the opportunity to quietly slip away. I hesitated at the top of the stairs, in front of the door back into the bar. I thought that maybe I should stay just to see if there is a second act to Molly’s pantytease. Like maybe a twirl or handstand. Sometimes I'm not so good at decisions.

I took a last look back as they celebrated drunkenly. The BuddaBings PartyMob. Well, they certainly know how to party.

I figured I was lucky to escape their particular brand of craziness. Alternate reality. Santa Claus. String theory. Talking horses — talking about taking out Rudolf. Replacing elves with union guys. Kicking off their panties.  Yeah, kicking off their panties!

I watched Clydie the Clydesdale/Clydesdeer in her fake set of antlers which were providing hatrack duty for Molly's Merry Christmas panties. As I watched her singing along with these maniacs, my last thought was “What if their ridiculous alternate reality was for real? And what if I was really in it?”

I saw that Molly saw me leaving.

She pretended not to notice me like she pretended she didn't catch me looking at her panties. I now knew that look.

She didn't try to stop me, or rat me out to her gang.  She just mouthed two words at me, making me wish I was a lip-reader. I thought, maybe hoped, she mouthed "come back."

Yeah, right.

Next: Couldn't Think